My idiotic escapades at work

Well, I figured since I have built such a fantastic facade about how professional I am I figure that I better share some funny stories from work.
1-Every day at work I have to report my banking center's sales numbers at 1:00 pm and at the end of the day. This reporting is done on a shared intranet site for all B of A Managers. About a week ago the last question that was asked on this report was this:
What is your TOP priority?
If you don't know the bank we have hundreds of acronyms: BCM, ABCM, TOS, SSS, PB, HOBA, NA, LCR, CTR, TRM, TRM QCC, CMM, CME, MPM, MGM, RP, CBP, BCCR, BCICR, HELOC, just to name a few. Since I am new in the bank, I rarely know what is going on, so I didn't read it as top, I read it as T. O. P. so for my answer, I asked what TOP was. My bosses laughed for hours.
2-A BCM is a Banking Center Manager, and ABCM is and Assistant BCM. Well, I had emailed my bosses that my ABCM was ready for a promotion, and she replied with a clarifying question in regards to which position. Unknowingly I replied with this, "The ABCM, she doesn't want to be a BUM." Instead of BCM. Brilliant
3-And not to be outdone. My banking center is located in a rougher part of town. We have needed new furniture for years now and finally recieved it. Without fail within three days a poor old lady came to the bank, sat down and pooped her pants. As she left, she left a trail all the way out the door and completely soiled our new chair. I took a picture but my phone died so I can't post it. Just thought I would share.